_____From the farm I found myself in an old and tattered mansion on 24th street in N.E. Washington D.C. For the most part this was not a good time in my life. We were sharing the house with a friend of my mother’s, her three children, and her husband who had lost his legs just above the knee and traveled on a little trolley powered by his huge arms. The two boys were nasty, and my mother had made it clear that she wouldn’t intervene.
_____An example: At my fifth birthday party, I had to invite them since their mom was the renter and we were there by her good graces. I was given a two-gun cowboy outfit that I fell in love with immediately. It was black leather with shiny sequins all over it and had two cap pistols with ivory like grips. The littlest kid wanted to wear them and when I said no my mother said he was a guest and I had to let him wear them.
_____He put them on, laughed an evil laugh, and ran from the room. I ran after him. He went down the stairs, outside to the street and ripped them off, throwing them down the sewer. I was heartbroken and told my mother. She said it was my own fault for letting him wear them.
_____Another example: The older boy, with some friends, grabbed me in the hallway, stripped my clothes off, and threw me naked into a room where his sister was entertaining some of her girlfriends. I ran out and up the stairs in humiliated panic, only to be stopped by the husband midway as he was bumping down. He held me in an iron grip and lectured me about forcing my nakedness on the poor girls, all in full sight of the girls, giggling in the hallway.
_____Life wasn’t all bad. I met my first friend while living there, Floyd. He lived across the street and had three sisters, one about ten, one maybe seven, and one about a year younger than us. Floyd and I did everything together every day. We were inseparable.
_____We wanted to plant a garden. They said we could get seeds at the hardware store on Rhode Island Avenue. We didn’t know what a store was, but we knew where Rhode Island Avenue was, so off we went.
_____We walked along the street. There was nothing but doors and windows. Suddenly we came to a place with an opening between the windows, and lo and behold, just inside there was a rack taller than us and wider than we could see at once, covered with packets of seeds. This was it! We spent a long time talking and picking from the pictures until we felt we had as many as we wanted. Then we turned around and headed home, thrilled with our find and ready to plant our garden.
_____Suddenly, someone yelled out and we were grabbed from behind. In the end, the policeman realized we were not thieves and let us go, but we planted no garden.
_____Floyd’s three sisters hung out with us a lot. They were pleasant and friendly, which, in retrospect, is surprising. Their father was a real piece of work. He often had sex with one or the other of the older girls and talked a lot about “getting the young one’s cherry” when she was older. When he talked about it, the four children all laughed up their sleeves because they were on welfare, and their caseworker had had sex with all three of them.
_____One morning I came outside and Floyd wasn’t around. I went to their house and it was empty. I never saw Floyd again.
Who are we? Where did we come from? Where are we going? How can we get there? These questions have tormented humanity for at least 7000 years. Do I have the answers? Yes I do.
When I was eleven, in 1950, blissfully unaware that any of those questions existed, I started on a small quest. My sixth grade teacher, Mrs. Kaukenon, told us, rather wistfully, that evolution existed, but that we knew precious little or nothing more than that.
I loved Mrs. Kaukenon, and I resolved to learn all I could about evolution. Unfortunately, (or probably fortunately,) that was the last of my academic education for all practical purposes, and I was forced to study evolution on my own, through newspapers, magazines, and television. It took me, as I lived my varied and eventful life, thirty years.
At that I was really lucky. Those were the years of the Leakey discoveries, and the public was ravenous for information on evolution. In 1980, when I finally reached a full understanding of evolution, I figured everyone else, including Mrs. Kaukenon, had also reached a full understanding of evolution, so I felt no necessity to reiterate my findings. When someone would say “evolution,” I would nod Knowingly and say “evolution,” and we would continue our conversation. I laughed along with them when they mentioned young earth creationists, assuming they knew as I did that evolution explained exactly what happened 7000 years ago, and they were just being ridiculous.
Around ten years before I completed my study of evolution, I began also to study my psyche. This study I also completed around 1980, and found I had developed an understanding of the mind and all of its ramifications. Here I felt that I was in the forefront, but knew of no way I could put my knowledge to work.
Because I enjoyed thinking and reading I continued to refine my understanding of the mind and its ramifications as I witnessed the birth and growth of my two youngest children. My wife, Susan Remmers, an exemplary natural mother, enabled me to understand naturally raised children, which allowed me to fully understand the mind.
I did all of this without recording any of it. I left it all in a jumble in my mind until around 1993, when I realized that I was living a different life from everyone else, and I needed to write down what I was living. The result was my essay on the structure of human beings. I showed it to some friends, all thoughtful but none degreed, and to two doctors. No one responded, and I felt at a loss, but I continued to think.
One day my doctor, with whom I wished to be friends, gave me a young earth creationist tract. I gladly took it home to read, and when I reached the forth page, the tract posited what I thought to be the most ridiculous concept of evolution ever presented. I immediately re-read the tract to see why they would present something so far from evolution as to be laughable, and when I couldn’t, I went to my encyclopedia. It agreed with the tract. Science had decided that evolution was the result of random change and natural selection.
I was flabbergasted. I realized that young earth creationists were not ridiculous, but had simply, along with everyone else, misunderstood what had really happened. I began to, as I continued to live my varied life, put my thoughts in order. This book is the result of that.
_____I will be writing on my web page as soon as i can get it together. Along with the lingering fear that my work will be in vain, there’s the lack of paragraphing indents and the general lack of control for the user. I want it to show the most recent followed by a random selection. No chance. I’d accept most recent followed by catagories earliest to latest, but no chance there either.
_____And it would be nice if i could find a way to talk to someone.
Computers hate me. What did I do to deserve that?
_____Theism is a belief that relates to god. There are four theisms: monotheism, polytheism, pantheism, and atheism.
_____Monotheism is the belief in a singular god. This is the belief of the biblical religions, of god in the shape of a male human being, with both good and bad traits of human beings.
_____Polytheism is the belief in more than one god. It was prevalent in ancient times and today exists in the biblical religions as satan, also a male and equal to god but harboring only the bad traits of mankind, and possibly in some eastern religions also.
_____Pantheism is the belief that god is everything and everywhere. This belief is common to most eastern religions and most “new age” religions of western civilization.
_____Atheism is the belief that god is non-existent. Many atheists hold that it is not a religion and use the word “nature” in place of the word god. The united states supreme court has held that atheism is a religion.